


Perfect Imperfection

by AllyUnabridged



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance, Self-Discovery, Trust Issues, UsaMamo Spring Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23666629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyUnabridged/pseuds/AllyUnabridged
Summary: When Sailor Moon accidentally reveals her identity during a battle but doesn't remember, it sends Tuxedo Mask into a tailspin. Written for the UsaMamo Spring Exchange 2K20 for FloraOne!
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65
Collections: UsaMamo Fanwork Exchange





	Perfect Imperfection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FloraOne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloraOne/gifts).



> This is my entry for the UsaMamo Spring Exchange 2K20. My giftee was the amazing FloraOne, which kind of freaked me out if I'm honest because I'm such a huge fan. I hope you like this. The setting is Season One, pre-Evil!Mamoru, with a dash of manga thrown in. I got the first reveal out of the way right off the bat. I hope you don't mind! It has a hint of four-square romance, but this is more of a journey into how Mamoru comes to terms with his feelings and manages to win Usagi over because of it. I'm sorry it took so long, but between figuring out telework and trying not to strangle my children, I'm just glad I squeaked it in by the deadline.
> 
> This is also my first finished (and published) Sailor Moon fic, and only the second I've ever attempted in this fandom. I admit to being super nervous because of that, too!

Tuxedo Mask blindly jumped, landing on the rail of a top story balcony. His fingers fumbled with the latch of the sliding glass door even as his transformation dropped. Mind reeling, Chiba Mamoru left the door open to the warm night air even as he fell into the chair a few feet away. Nothing had prepared him for this night, one that should have been like many others over the past months. As usual, he had provided what little help he could to the Sailor Senshi as they defeated a youma bent on the destruction of precious human life.

Tonight's battle had started out predictably enough. He had jumped into it after the painful pull that always signaled Sailor Moon's transformation triggered his mad dash across the city to be by her side. He'd shown up in time to sweep Sailor Moon out of the path of a series of projectiles shaped like pears, of all things, which made more sense when you saw that the youma was one giant fruit basket on legs. However, he wasn't quite quick enough to pull her out of the path of the next onslaught. One hit her in the leg before his cloak managed to shield them both, causing the pears to harmlessly bounce off.

"You need to be more careful, Sailor Moon," he had admonished her, and that was when she giggled.

"My name is Usagi, silly," she had mumbled before stumbling off. Then she had shaken her head and continued on in the fight as if nothing had happened. The next few minutes were a blur. He had noticed that each time a pear hit one of the Senshi, she blurted out something embarrassing—or it would have been, if she remembered saying it even a few seconds later. None of them, did, though, and soon they had weakened the creature enough for Sailor Moon to use her moon wand on it and destroy it.

That was the point where he usually melted away, running through the night back to his lonely apartment once he knew that Sailor Moon was safe. This time, however, he only stayed to the shadows, hoping they would drop their transformations so that he could confirm what his dazed mind assured him wasn't at all possible. While that never happened, he did hear something that set his doubts to rest yet completely destroyed what he thought he knew of the way the world worked.

Sailor Mars had waved her arms around, yelling at Sailor Moon in a way that seemed familiar, scolding her for allowing herself to be hit and for not finishing the creature off sooner in the same breath. She finished with, "Your clumsiness is going to get you wounded beyond our abilities to heal one of these days, Odango!"

One word was all it took. It was a nickname he associated with only one person. Hearing it revealed the truth in a way that was somehow more jarring than Sailor Moon announcing her real name in the middle of a battle. The magical scales had fallen from his eyes, and he didn't need her to drop her transformation for him to see, with amazing clarity. The hair, the face, those eyes…Sailor Moon could only be one person. It had to be magic that had kept him from recognizing the blond he verbally sparred with every day, Mamoru concluded as he sat in his dark bedroom staring at nothing.

He hadn't confronted her then. He wasn't even sure what he would have said. Revealed his own identity? Berated her for not trusting him? What reason did she have for that, with either of his identities? As Tuxedo Mask, he kept his distance in order to maintain some semblance of control over a situation that had always felt far too chaotic to his practical mind. As Mamoru, he admitted he had too much fun watching the fire in her bright blue eyes as she shot back at him during their arguments, the only interaction he could allow himself with the girl who he'd felt pulled to despite his best efforts to remain aloof.

The pull should have clued him in. After all, he rarely went a day without seeing her, and not because she would run into him on the way to school or because he hung out at the arcade she loved so that he could study with his best and only friend, Motoki, who both needed to keep his grades up and to help his father run the place. No, sometimes he wandered around their corner of the city until he knew somehow that she was nearby, and then there she would be, chattering with her friends or at her cat as she strolled along, usually with some sort of food in hand.

He never approached her on those days. Instead, he watched, waiting for the inevitable. And it always happened. She would console a crying child, or smile at a stranger, or even laugh for apparently no reason, causing all heads to turn towards her and lips to curve up on every face he saw. She brought such joy to everyone around her, and a part of him longed to be able to allow her light to envelope him, too. But he shied away, as he always did, because getting close to her wouldn't further his ultimate goal. For so long, he told himself there was no way that Tsukino Usagi, as she liked to remind him was her full name, could lead him to the princess who held the key to his memories. Thus, he had to keep her away at all costs. Even though it never worked.

Mamoru groaned, head dropping into his hands. Of course she continued fighting back whenever he teased her. Sailor Moon was stubborn, even when she was scared witless. He'd seen that, time and time again. There was no reason for Usagi to be scared of him, so her pushing back against his jabs made perfect sense now that he correlated the two.

His mind began piecing together the two halves of the whole that Usagi had become. The bubbly schoolgirl who brought light to everyone around her. The fighter who faced youma with determination even though they frightened her. The girl who actually teared up over the arcade being out of chocolate ice cream for her milkshakes, to the point where Motoki sent his sister Unazuki out to get some from the convenience store around the corner for her. The Senshi whose strength blasted away the creatures striking fear into Tokyo's citizens. The girl who could scold one child for being mean to another one minute and offer to push both children on the swings the next. He'd seen all of that in her and more, and now that the blinders were well and truly off, he had to admit that the pull he felt toward both sides of her was stronger than curiosity, fiercer than protectiveness. He wasn't ready to define it, but it was there, stronger than ever.

Suddenly, Mamoru felt the need to explore possibilities he'd always avoided before. No one else had prompted such a strong reaction from him before, enough to make him believe that they were worth possibly never knowing his past. It scared him to think that way, to believe that getting closer to Usagi was more important than the driving force of his entire existence. But somehow, it also felt right.

Still unsure, he rose from his chair and went through the motions to get ready for bed while his mind whirled in circles. He expected the night's events to hold back the veils of sleep, but his head had barely touched the pillow when his eyes drooped closed and the world descended into darkness.

It didn't feel like he was asleep at all, he realized with relief. He walked forward into the mist that rose around him toward towering rose bushes surrounding a white marble bench. A soft glow lit the air, but as always, he couldn't make out the face of the figure sitting on the bench. Even though he never remembered the details once he reentered the waking world, every time he saw her the same flash of recognition flashed through him.

"Our time grows short," she breathed, reaching out a hand to him. For once, he felt her soft fingers in his. This shocked him. She had never allowed that before.

"I won't give up on you. I promise."

She gave a little laugh, one that sent a shiver through him. He knew that laugh, although from where he wasn't sure. She'd never laughed before, either.

"I know that, silly. I have great faith in you. But your need for me in this realm has lessened considerably. Once I'm found in the waking world, all will be revealed to you. Follow your heart. It will lead you to me, and to the Silver Crystal."

He drew in a sharp breath, unsure what she meant. "And if I can't give you my heart when I find you?" He'd always thought that was his destiny when he was younger. Now he wasn't so sure.

He caught the impression of a smile. "I am not worried about that. I only want your happiness. Your memories will return when I am found, whether your heart is mine or not."

The mist rose higher, obscuring the roses, the bench, and the princess. Mamoru felt himself slip away, deeper into the state of true sleep.

The next morning, Mamoru rose with a new determination. He would show Usagi that he could be the kind of person she wanted to be closer to. He wouldn't antagonize her. He'd show her the side Motoki always encouraged him to reveal to her, especially when he'd pushed her harder than he intended. Where exactly that would lead, he wasn't sure. But he was willing to throw caution to the wind and attempt to find out. And maybe, when he managed to reveal to her that he was Tuedo Mask, she wouldn't abandon him altogether.

He got his first opportunity on his walk to school. As a third-year high school student, he had more time to get to his first class than third-year middle schoolers like Usagi. He always knew that's why they would run into each other in the morning, although the times she managed to be closer to on time they often missed each other completely.

The feel of her body crashing into his was almost comforting. Here was his opportunity to show her he could be more than the jerk she thought of him. He caught her by the arms before she could fall as she normally did and made sure to set her gently on her feet. Wide blue eyes stared up at him, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. He'd never bothered to help her up before, let alone keep her from falling.

"Better be careful, Odango," he said mildly before continuing on, wincing a little at the automatic use of his nickname for her but enjoying the flash he saw in her eyes as he passed by.

"My name is Usagi! Baka!" she cried behind him, but he thought he detected a note of confusion softening her usual wail. At least, he hoped so.

The rest of the day flew by as usual. Mamoru found his classes as challenging, as engaging, as previous days. In a way, this was a relief. He wasn't letting his new knowledge distract him from his educational goals, so maybe he could still focus on finding the princess and the Silver Crystal despite the distractions offered by one sailor-suited heroine. Then again, he also discovered his thoughts were wandering more in her direction than normal, even if it wasn't affecting his classwork. For some reason that didn't disturb him the way he thought it should. Instead, he found his curiosity growing.

Why did she struggle so much in school? She wasn't unintelligent, no matter what he might have said previously to provoke her. He could tell that she was more than smart enough to work out how to destroy youma before her three friends came along to help, even if sometimes she did need a little nudge. He thought maybe that was because she felt so much that her emotions often overwhelmed her thought processes. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing; often, she seemed strongest when her protective emotions over her friends or the youma's victims came into play. She only needed help harnessing those emotions and putting them into the appropriate action.

While he sat at the counter of the Crown Arcade later that day, waiting for a certain pair of buns to come bobbing through the door, Mamoru pretended to flip through one of his textbooks to keep Motoki at bay while a far more serious topic sped through his mind. On his walk to the arcade, it had occurred to him that he should tell her that he knew sooner versus later. It would be dishonest not to. It also left them on uneven ground. He didn't want to have the upper hand against her. At the same time, how was he supposed to reveal his knowledge? He couldn't blurt it out in the arcade. She hardly allowed him to approach any other time, not that he'd tried particularly hard before. But whenever she saw him in the park, she always turned and walked the other direction, unless she hadn't noticed him at all and crashed into him instead. That was more of a rarity than her morning clumsiness, probably because she was less distracted then.

Also, he sort of didn't want to know what she would think about the reality of him being Tuxedo Mask. He wasn't totally unaware that Sailor Moon swooned over his masked alter ego. While that was encouraging, he wasn't sure if her dislike of Mamoru would be stronger than whatever romanticized feelings she had for the man who whisked her out of danger at least once a week. The thought made his stomach clench.

It was during this mental back and forth that Usagi chose to stroll in, her three friends crowded close behind her. And while he'd been focused on her since last night almost to the exclusion of every other human in existence, he couldn't help the sudden realization that these girls were the other Senshi. It made perfect sense. Like the previous night, when his own knowledge took away the magical glamour that shrouded Sailor Moon's identity from the world, the veil lifted from the identities of Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Jupiter. Who else could the shy genius, fiery priestess, and fierce fighter be, after all? He placed them all within seconds, but then his attention returned to his target.

Usagi's eyes met his across the crowded room, and this time Mamoru knew he wasn't imagining the confusion there. For once, he didn't toss out an insult to her. For once, he let his lips curl up at the corners and nodded in acknowledgement then pretended to turn back to his coffee and textbook. Only he wasn't looking at either. Instead, he watched through his lashes as she shook her head and made her way through the arcade to one of the tables where their small group liked to hang out. She seemed tired, he noted, and now that he understood what left her exhausted all the time, his heart went out to her even more. She wasn't lazy or stupid. She used an insane amount of energy all the time to defeat the youma they fought. How many calories must that burn? Was she even able to fall asleep as soon as she got home, or did that energy depletion result in sleepless nights as well?

"I can't believe my eyes, or maybe it's my ears." Motoki's dry words pulled him out of his covert observation of Usagi and her friends, all of whom he noticed acted more energetic than she did.

"What?" Mamoru asked, taking a sip of his cooling coffee. He raised innocent eyes to his friend's face, or at least tried to.

Motoki snorted. "When Usagi came in, you didn't make a single remark about her intelligence or her laziness or her hair. Why is it always one of those three, anyway?"

With a shrug, Mamoru set his coffee down. "Easy targets, I guess." He winced at how that sounded as well as the look Motoki gave him. Old habits died hard, it seemed.

"And yet, from the moment she came in today, Usagi was all you would look at. I wonder why that is?" Motoki's voice took on an annoying sing-song quality.

"No reason." Mamoru knew he had to try and grasp every shred of fake nonchalance he'd learned during all those years in the orphanage. This was a bone Motoki loved to grab hold of and wear to tiny bits and pieces at every opportunity. Although usually he wasn't able to do more than chide Mamoru before the latter changed the subject.

"Uh huh." To his surprise, Motoki kept wiping down the counter without looking at him.

"It's just—I realized that maybe I've been too harsh on her." There. That sounded neutral enough, didn't it? But why had he blurted it out in the first place? It must have been Motoki's knowing eyes. The same ones that had seen a lonely orphan boy at school and become attached at the hip to him for no good reason Mamoru ever saw.

A bark of laughter startled the nearby customers, making Motoki modulate his chuckles. "Pretty sudden, isn't it?"

Mamoru shrugged. "Maybe." And it was time to distract him. "Hey, did you get a chance to work on the advanced biology test study guide yet?"

Eyes widening, Motoki stared at him. "That's not until next week!"

"The study guide is due in two days, though. And the questions are difficult. I started day before yesterday." It wasn't a lie. Maybe an exaggeration because, to him at least, the questions hadn't been bad at all. But he knew that Motoki struggled with the science subjects, although he was a whiz at math.

Mamoru settled back while his friend sputtered in panic. Eventually he reassured him that of course he would help him with any of the harder questions. Crisis averted and Motoki's attention no longer on his preoccupation, Mamoru bent to apply himself to his textbook for real this time, only looking up when the voices of four girls chattering at once drifted his way and then towards the exit doors. He ducked his head before Motoki could notice the glance he shot their way.

Over the next week, his interactions with Usagi got downright friendly, at least compared to their normal pattern. He kept a better eye out and said hello to her when they met up on the mornings she ran late, dodging so she wouldn't run him over. She began to say hello back, still with a tone of uncertainty and always calling him "Baka." He didn't mind and still used Odango, although he tried to alter his own tone so that she would understand he wasn't teasing her anymore. At the arcade, a smile and a nod her way were all he allowed himself, but she began to respond there, too. He grew used to that glow she created in others suffusing him when her eyes gleamed and teeth flashed before she turned back to her friends. At the park, he managed to catch up with her a time or two and exchange some pleasant words about the weather, which was progress as far as he was concerned. And he helped Usagi return a lost toddler to her parents once, after which he noticed her wide eyes looking at him, questions swimming in the blue depths. Questions he wasn't quite sure of the answer to.

These were small things, nothing earth-shattering, yet each time they managed to exchange a few words or a smile without being reduced to childish bickering, the more accomplished Mamoru felt. He could do this. It was odd, trying to make friends with a girl he'd known so long and held such conflicting thoughts about before. It was odder still realizing how much he didn't want to go back to those days. In fact, he wanted more, although he squashed those thoughts. This had to be down slowly and carefully, that much he was certain of.

One early evening, exactly eight days from the night his entire world flipped on its ear, he felt the pull once more. Even as he transformed into Tuxedo Mask in his living room and made his way to his balcony to head toward the fight, an unusual feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. This was more than the worry he felt before every fight. He would almost describe it as terror, and it wasn't Sailor Moon's. Her fear was there, in the back of his mind as always, but it was completely separate from the panic he now felt.

Tuexdo Mask arrived at the site, this time the mostly-deserted shopping district. This fight was as routine as the last, at least until the very end. He pulled Sailor Moon out of the way of projectiles twice, these the shape of overly-large water balloons that turned any plants they hit to black ashes. He dreaded thinking what they would do to human skin, even magically-protected human skin. Unfortunately, Sailor Moon must have come to the same realization. When she saw one of the balloons headed toward Sailor Mercury, she charged forward and flung her tiara, bursting it just short of where the water could splash both girls. Tuxedo Mask saw red for a moment, his chest a tight knot of pain as he thought about what could have happened if she'd been seconds slower and still tried that maneuver.

"Watch your back, Sailor Moon, or you won't get a chance to moondust that thing after all. You're no use to anyone dead," he yelled, forgetting his resolve to treat her kindly. From the look she shot him, eyes watering, it was the harshest thing he'd ever said to her. Then her chin firmed and she shouted back.

"I can handle anything this thing throws at us!" she cried while Sailor Mercury blasted away the next volley of balloons. Both Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask stepped close to each other, now furious. "Why don't you go back to doing whatever it is you do during these attacks, hmm?"

Maybe it was his surprise at her venom, but he couldn't resist what came out of his mouth next. "You mean saving you when you klutz out yet again? When you hesitate and nearly get yourself killed?" As soon as the words left his lips, he wanted to be able to control time and erase them from her memory, but it was too late. The hurt that flashed across her face was something he never thought he could cause Sailor Moon, although it was an expression Usagi had worn around him all too often. Except this was deeper, somehow. This wound might not heal.

Sailor Mars ran past them, blocking yet another group of balloons with her fire powers. "If you two are done, we could use some help here, Sailor Moon!"

Sniffling, she turned her back on Tuxedo Mask and ran back into the fray. She fought with a vigor only he had ever seen before, when she was alone and terrified but trying to hide it. Her pain echoed through to him, but it didn't take long for Sailor Mercury to pinpoint the creature's weakness after that, and Sailor Moon dusted the thing with her usual flashy show of energy. He took that moment to fade into the shadows and run back to his apartment, in shock at what he had done. Once in the safe confines of his own rooms again, Mamoru let his transformation dissolve and stared back out into lights of Tokyo shining through the dusk.

What had he done? Why in the world had he said those things? Maybe they were true, but at the same time they weren't. He could tell she was a novice at this, even more than her fellow Senshi somehow, despite having been around longest. Novice fighters made mistakes. It was something he'd learned during the years of martial arts training that had been his only escape other than school while he lived at the orphanage. He knew that and had never blamed Sailor Moon for her weaknesses before. She more than made up for it in determination and strength, once her resolve was set.

Could his previous thoughts about Usagi be poisoning his working relationship with Sailor Moon, as distant as it usually was? Could he be mixing up the two during the fights? There was no reason for him to be so worried about Sailor Moon fighting. He'd seen her do many similar brave, foolhardy things before without flinching—well, not too much, anyway-and they always worked out somehow. Why had tonight been so different? Was he getting too close to her, after all? And if he couldn't work with her, did that mean his quest to find the Silver Crystal and the princess was doomed? It had been clear to him for months that the Senshi were the key there, too.

These questions and arguments with himself swirled around in his head the rest of the night, allowing little room for sleep. By the time dawn lit the sky, he had made a new resolution. He would pull away from Usagi as much as possible in their regular lives. It was too much, caring for someone who he had to watch fight these ludicrous yet terrifying creatures, ones bent on humanity's destruction. He couldn't stand in the way of their defeat, and he couldn't stand in the way of his own ultimate goal, either. After all, what would the last year of his life have been about, searching jewelry store after jewelry store, exhibit after exhibit both in costume and as himself, if he jeopardized it for personal feelings? If he encourage Usagi to keep herself safe as Sailor Moon, despite being the only one who seemed to actually be able to destroy the youma?

With these thoughts in mind, Mamoru changed his routine over the next week. He woke up extra early to leave long before Usagi even thought about stepping foot outside of her house. He managed to study and complete homework in the hour or so before his school opened. He went through the motions in his classes, answering questions that came his way, breezing through tests as usual, all the while aware of an ache in his stomach he couldn't quite seem to get rid of. And most of all, he avoided the arcade and the park as much as possible. The couple times Motoki called and asked him to come by for homework help, he ignored Usagi when she came in and even when she bounced up to the counter to beg another milkshake off of Motoki. Out of the corner of his eye, Mamoru saw her smile deflate after she turned it on him and got nothing in response. She left quietly with her milkshake, and he had to resist turning his head to watch her go.

Each night, laying in his lonely apartment and hoping for sleep, he wondered how much longer life could go on like this. There was no hint of the princess anywhere. He was already so tired of pushing away Usagi in this new manner. It felt different than their previous bickering. In a way, that had been fun for both of them, the times it hadn't gotten too mean. When they both walked away feeling triumphant, that was the best. He now realized it was because her positive emotions had been leaking into him even then.

Now, all he felt from her was reluctance and sadness. He wasn't sure even now that he rated the level of unhappiness he felt coming off of her in waves. They'd barely begun speaking to each other in a civil manner. What was there to feel down about? Then again, he had to admit that he felt unhappy as well, his spirits no longer boosted by what he now saw were multiple daily encounters with Usagi. How had they managed to be near each other so much back when they disliked each other, or at least pretended to? Wasn't that contradictory to how they should have been acting? He was no expert in human relations, far from it, but none of this made any sense.

Less than one week after he made his resolution to stay away from Usagi, Mamoru felt the pull once again while he was studying on a sunny Saturday morning, a stabbing pain tinged with fear that called to him. He swore even as he transformed and ran for his balcony, abandoning the books he'd been half-heartedly studying on his coffee table. Her fear increased in urgency during his sprint across the rooftops, to a level he hadn't felt in months. His own panic brought a lump to his throat that made it hard to breathe.

After what felt like an eternity, he arrived in front of a small ramen shop and could only stare in horror for several seconds. Unlike other battles where the youma would target whichever Senshi had attacked it, this one seemed particularly intent on going for Sailor Moon and only Sailor Moon. She dodged out of the way of its attacks out of pure luck and clumsiness, as always. When it seemed like she wouldn't be so lucky with the next hit, Tuxedo Mask jumped into the fray and swept her away, shielding her with his cloak. The blasts shook them, and he felt chilled at the thought of that hitting her, unprotected.

"What's this thing got against you, Sailor Moon?" he rasped out, barely able to think around her fear and his anxiety.

She snorted. "I called her ugly. Sorry, but she is!"

He stared down at her blond head incredulously. "Maybe don't antagonize the youma next time, okay?"

Another blast hit them, and she gave a vigorous nod. "I think you're right."

Thankfully, he could hear the other three Senshi running up behind them, shouting out their attacks almost simultaneously. Their voices rang out again and again, while Tuxedo Mask began to inch Sailor Moon away from the youma's range. Before he knew it, Sailor Mercury stood to his left and peaked around his cape to check on Sailor Moon.

"Sailor Moon, we've weakened it enough. You should be able to take it out!" Mercury told her.

Reluctantly, Tuxedo Mask dropped his cape and stepped back, allowing Sailor Moon space to attack. As usual, the bright light of the energy she pulled in and then let crash over the youma caused him to wince, although usually he was much farther removed from it. This time, though, he stayed close. And when the lights of her attack dimmed, leaving a pile of youma dust on the ground, he scooped Sailor Moon up in his arms and jumped to the rooftops, heading deeper into Tokyo despite the shouts from the other Senshi.

"Tuxedo Mask! What are you doing?" Sailor Moon cried, her delicate hands clinging to his lapels. He glanced down to see her staring up at him in consternation.

"I have something I need to say to you, and I didn't want your friends interrupting," he explained.

"Oh."

To his surprise, Sailor Moon settled into his arms and allowed him to carry her without another protest. He didn't go far, all things considered, just enough to make sure the Senshi had given up any chase they might have started. He chose the tallest building in sight to leap up to, gently setting Sailor Moon down on her feet once they reached the flat top. She stepped away from him and turned her back for a moment, looking out on the city skyline. Then she swirled around, arms crossed.

She stared up at him with wide, wary eyes. "What did you need to say to me?" Her soft voice was almost his undoing. Despite her caution, the warmth she held for everyone was evident in her tone.

"I need to apologize for how I acted at our last fight." The words came easier than he'd thought they would, but she deserved this. How could they have a good working relationship fighting youma if she couldn't trust him not to blow up at her?

Her eyebrows rose. What she said next floored him. "Why did you?"

Tuxedo Mask wasn't sure how to respond. Should he tell her that he had found out her true identity? Should he reveal his as well, but them on even footing? Wasn't that what he'd intended a couple weeks ago? She deserved to know, then as well as now. Still, something held his tongue, kept him from telling her the truth.

"I was worried about you." He hadn't intended to sound so brusque, but she hardly seemed to notice.

Instead, she tilted her head to one side and stared at him, really looked at him as Tuxedo Mask for the first time, he was sure. Usually their interactions were so much shorter, it wouldn't surprise him if she was memorizing every detail she could from this encounter. He felt exposed in a way he hardly ever had before, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

"I don't think that's it."

It was his turn to stare at her. Had he heard right? "Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't. I've been in worse situations, and you never did more than sweep in and then disappear again once I was safe."

"Oh, now you're using that brain of yours?" The words flew out before he could stop them.

For once, she didn't react to a barb from him, no matter if he was magically concealed or not. "It happens sometimes, you know." Her words were calm, measured. As if he hadn't phased her at all, while his mind was running in circles trying to understand why she said what she did.

"You know, I have a friend who reacts to unfamiliar emotions—and the people who cause them—by pushing them away, attacking sometimes, even if it's only with words. I'm pretty used to her doing that now."

He snorted. "That's not what I'm doing."

"I think you are." The challenge in her eyes called to him so much it frightened him. He wanted to answer it, with all of his being, which made the very idea too terrifying to contemplate.

"I don't have time to argue with you anymore, Sailor Moon. I have a life to get back to. I wanted to apologize for our argument. That's all. Try to keep yourself safe, okay?" Tuxedo Mask jumped away without waiting for her reply, knowing she'd be fine to get home on her own. However, he couldn't resist glancing back. The sight of her standing in the late afternoon light, the wind pulling at the strands of her pigtails, tugged at his heart. Deliberately shoving those feelings away, he kept going in the direction of his apartment and sanity.

Any relief Mamoru expected to feel as he stood in the middle of his living room once more, transformation dropped, was fleeting at best. He began to pace as her words replayed in his mind over and over, his textbooks forgotten on the coffee table next to him.

She was wrong. Of course she was. He didn't push people away because he was afraid. He kept them at a distance because he had more important things to worry about. His whole life, at least that he could remember, he'd had one goal and one only—recover his lost memories, the ones other orphans had been able to draw on to sustain them of parents and lost childhoods. Friendships were a distant second to that, especially once the princess began to haunt his dreams with her promises of memories. Only a few people, like persistent Motoki and bubbly Usagi, had managed to pierce his shell of uncaring to the point where he actually sought out their company, whether he admitted it to himself at first or not.

The emotions he felt were normal. He was sure of it, especially after Motoki goaded him into taking psychology the previous year to learn why he was "such a stick in the mud." His was a quiet nature. That was all. He was still capable of the normal range of human emotion. He cared for Motoki. He cared for Usagi the same—

No, that was wrong. He didn't care for Usagi. He couldn't, not anymore. And even if he had, at one point, cared for her, it wasn't the same way he cared for Motoki. While he felt protective towards his friend and didn't want a youma anywhere near him, he wouldn't have panicked if he saw Motoki somehow in the middle of a fight. The way Usagi drew him to her with her laugh, her smile, her kindness and joy, was something deeper and—

Dammit, he was scared. She was right.

Mamoru stopped pacing and stared down at his clenched fists. His feelings for Usagi terrified him, it was true. But he was also scared, so scared of losing her. He'd never felt so strongly for anyone before. That's why he kept latching onto any excuse to drive her away. Her grades, her tears, her hairstyle, even her fighting, which she was damn good at, all of it he'd been using against her so that he wouldn't have to acknowledge that he liked her as much more than a friend. He wanted to drown in her eyes, wrap himself up in the warmth of her smile, but he hadn't even been able to admit that to himself.

The shock of this realization somehow mobilized him. He grabbed his keys and helmet then headed out the door, bent on one destination with one thought in his mind: he had to find Usagi. He couldn't stand being so distant to her anymore, not now that he knew his own mind. The ride to the arcade on his motorcycle sped by, although inwardly he cursed at every ridiculous motorist who thought they had right of way. Somehow he made it there without a scratch on him or anyone else and jumped off, hurrying toward the entrance.

Before he could take a step inside, a blond flurry rammed into him, tears streaming down her cheeks. This time they looked far more serious than a lost game or Motoki being out of chocolate ice cream for her milkshake. He saw pain in the depths of her blue eyes before she dropped them and tried to hurry pas. He grabbed her arm gently and turned her back toward him, intent on finding out what was going on, but her dark-haired friend interrupted them, flying out the doors right behind her.

"You can't ignore me, Usagi! I can't believe you let him run off with you—" Rei, he remembered that was her name, stopped short when she saw Mamoru holding on to Usagi's arm. "Really, another one?" she shrieked.

Mamoru was starting to get an inkling of what was going on. Her friend was angry that Sailor Moon had gone off with Tuxedo Mask without putting up a token fight, most likely. Regret pooled in his stomach, creating a tight knot. He should have thought how it would appear to the other Senshi. He shouldn't have whisked her away, no matter how much he felt the need to apologize.

Despite the crowded sidewalk and his hand on her arm, Usagi seemed to forget that she and Rei weren't alone for a moment. "I told you. That's not what happened. You don't want to listen. You want to believe he's one of the bad guys, but he's not!" she hissed, the angriest he'd ever seen her. This wasn't her usually verbal sparring with him or even Rei, which he'd overheard a time or two. This was true anger, and in a probably twisted way it flattered him that her fury was for his sake.

Rei wasn't as oblivious to their surroundings. Her eyes flickered around and then rested on him again. "This isn't the place anyway, Usagi. We should go to the temple to discuss this further. Makoto and Ami will meet us there."

"I have a better idea. Why don't you come get some ice cream with me, Usagi?" Mamoru smoothly interjected, for once feeling some of the grace of his alter ego.

Usagi's gaze shot to him then dropped to his hand on her arm as if only just realizing it was still there. She looked back at him then nodded, firmly ignoring Rei protesting beside them. "That sounds like a perfect idea."

Turning her so that he could lead her to his motorcycle, they both pretended they couldn't hear Rei's shrieks as he climbed on then settled his helmet on her head, squashing her odangos a bit, before pulling her on behind him. The feel of Usagi's arms wrapped around his waist was worth the attention Rei was drawing, he decided as he started the bike and peeled out. The trip to the park both of them liked to haunt was short, a mere few minutes, but Mamoru drove back to his apartment building first instead. When he parked and helped Usagi off, taking the helmet from her, he saw the confusion in her eyes.

"I wanted to make sure your friend couldn't follow us easily. She seemed pretty intense back there," he reassured her.

"Oh." She was quiet for a couple seconds, looking around as if avoiding his eyes. "Where should we go?"

"I was thinking the park. You like the ice cream stand there, right?" he asked, aware that probably sounded weird to her.

If it did, she didn't mention it. Instead, her eyes lit up. "Oh, yes, please!" she squealed, pulling at his arm and dragging him away from his assigned parking spot. He barely had time to throw his helmet onto one of the handlebars, secretly reveling in the way her hand felt in his.

"Um, this way, Odango," he laughed, pulling her in the correct direction, opposite from the one she seemed set on. She only rolled her eyes at the nickname, the lure of ice cream obviously outweighing any outrage she felt. He hoped his gentler tone had also helped.

They reached the park in record time, and Usagi made a beeline for the ice cream stand. He considered it either a minor miracle or slightly disturbing that the normally bubbly girl hadn't said a word the entire trip. However, ice cream in hand and moving away from the small crowds taking advantage of the sunny Saturday, she finally stopped and turned to him, tilting her head to the side. Sky blue eyes assessed him just as she had earlier.

"What's up with you lately, Mamoru?" she asked, finally using his name. "One day you're being a baka, the next you're actually kind of nice. That didn't last too long before suddenly I never saw you around at all."

Well, she could be blunt in either form. This time he owed her a real answer, though. It was difficult, and he took a bite of his chocolate ice cream before answering. Appearing to agree, she turned her attention back to her ice cream as well. But he could tell she was waiting. It was something about the stillness that so rarely came over her.

With a deep breath and a quick glance around to make sure they were out of earshot from anyone else, he began his confession. "A couple weeks ago, something happened during a youma battle." He noticed her stiffen out of the corner of his eye, but he kept pressing. "The Sailor Senshi kept getting hit by attacks that made them reveal secrets, although it seemed like they didn't remember it afterward. Sailor Moon blurted out something to me."

Mamoru looked down at her, with her eyes full of emotions he couldn't even begin to define. He had to give her credit though. She tried to laugh it off, running her free hand over the back of her head while taking another bit of ice cream.

"That's funny, Mamoru. How were you even there to hear her?" Usagi's voice squeaked with her tension.

"Because I'm Tuxedo Mask."

Usagi dropped her ice cream. And didn't even notice.

"And you're Sailor Moon."

Despite the noise of the other park goers in the distance and the traffice of the city, Mamoru was sure he could have heard a pin drop. She stared at him. And stared. And ignored the ice cream puddling on the ground next to her.

It actually took her less time to process it than it had him. He was impressed. "Wait, you knew who I was for two whole weeks, and you didn't SAY ANYTHING?" she fiercely whispered, eyes narrowing.

Mamoru would have shoved his hands in his pockets if they'd been empty. Instead, he shrugged. "I couldn't figure out how. You despise me, but you obviously don't despise him. I didn't want to disappoint you." Like I can tell you are now, he added silently, turning a little away from her.

Usagi frowned. "You have as little faith in me as you do in Sailor Moon," she accused.

He turned back and stared at her in shock. "What do you mean? Sailor Moon is the strongest person I know! I trust her to defeat youma I wouldn't even think of taking on by myself!" he whisper-shouted, still glancing around to make sure no one heard them.

"You don't trust me enough to be honest with me," she shot back with more accuracy as she'd ever managed with her tiara, and she was demonstrably deadly with that.

"It's not you I don't trust! Either part of you."

Strangely, her eyes lit up. "Ah ha! So I was right. You're scared."

"Of course. Seeing you in danger scares me. How I feel about you scares me." Mamoru clamped his lips tight on that. It wasn't the time.

Except she obviously decided it was. "How you feel about me? You hate me," she stated as if it was fact, stepped closer and poking him in the chest to punctuate the last three words.

He grabbed her hand. "No, I don't. I never have."

She gave a tearful half-laugh. "Don't patronize me, Mamoru."

"You were right. Completely right. I pushed you away. I teased you so that you'd go away because I didn't want to feel the connection that sprang up the second our eyes met. I made the excuse to myself that it was fun to see you angry—and it is, don't get me wrong." He tried for a smile, which she only glowered at.

"I picked the easy targets so that I could focus on that and not how absolutely perfect you are at everything else. You're kind, and generous, and funny. You make people smile just by talking with them for a few minutes. You may not get the best grades, but you're so smart when you apply yourself. You're brave, not just as Sailor Moon, although I'm so impressed by how you fight the terror you feel to protect others. You spend so much energy taking care of others that you forget to look down at your own feet and are a horrible klutz because of it. Sometimes you seem too good to be true. I wasn't ready for that. I was too focused on my own goals."

"Oh, really? And what were those? The girls think you're after the Silver Crystal." Her eyes begged him to deny it, but he couldn't.

"I am." She tugged at her hand, trying to pull away, eyes full of horror. He rushed to explain.

"It's not for the reason you think! I'm not from the Negaverse! I don't even know who I am!" he cried.

She stopped trying to regain her hand, but her eyes were still suspicious. "What do you mean?"

It was time to lay it out on the line, the most difficult part of his past to admit to anyone, even her. Still, he owed her this. "I lost my parents when I was six years old. It was a car crash. I don't remember anything about it, or them, or my first six years. Nothing."

"Oh, Mamoru." Her eyes watered, as he'd known they would. She was a soft touch, but he wouldn't use it against her. Instead, he gave her the unvarnished truth.

"A little while after I was sent to an orphanage, I began to have dreams. At first it was every once in a while. There was a princess. I couldn't see her clearly, but I knew who she was. She whispered to me, words I couldn't quite make out. Over the years, I began to understand her. The princess wanted me to find her. She promised me if I did, I would remember. Then, just before the first youma showed up, she began urging me to find the Silver Crystal. She made it clear that the Crystal was the key to her—and to my memories. I had to try." He tried to urge her with his eyes to understand.

Usagi's mouth dropped open. "So all this time, you've been trying to find the Moon Princess and the Silver Crystal, too? I told the girls you're an ally!"

Mamoru shook his head. "I don't know about that. I'm not in this to save the world. Just you. That, and find the Crystal. The princess told me you could lead me to it, once you showed up."

"What did she say when you found out who I was?" Usagi asked, wariness warring with curiosity in every line of her face.

Taking a deep breath, he replied, "She told me to follow my heart. That if I did so, I would find her, and the Crystal."

"What did she mean by that?"

"She meant I should get closer to you. I've fallen for you, Usako, even when I shouldn't have," he murmured, bringing a hand up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She stared up at him with wide eyes before smiling brightly.

"You're not very good at listening, are you?" she teased, stepping even closer to him.

"I guess not. I'm trying now, though." Mamoru felt as if the sun had exploded overhead at that smile, turning everything around them golden with a tinge of silver.

"Promise?" She lifted her face up to his even as his lowered.

"I promise," he vowed before sealing it with a light kiss to her sweet lips.

When he pulled away to look into her shining eyes, she giggled.

"By the way, I never despised you, Mamo-chan," she exclaimed, shaking her free finger at him. He had a feeling that nickname was going to stick, but he couldn't complain. Not when she looked so bright and happy.

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You've called me baka for months."

Usagi rolled her eyes. "Duh. You were being stupid. It fits. Still, I felt something that first day, too. And if you'd been nice to me, I would have let you take me out on a date ages ago. I always knew you couldn't be all bad; Motoki raves about you, and I've noticed you being kind when no one was looking, especially to the lonely kids at the arcade," she told him.

Mamoru offered her a small, sheepish smile. He would have stared at her forever, but the cold drip of ice cream on his hand brought him back to earth. He looked down at his melting cone, which had already left several streaks of chocolate he hadn't even noticed at the time, and then offered it to her.

"Forgive me?"

She grabbed it greedily and stretched up to kiss his cheek. "Of course!" she squealed. The ice cream was gone in record time, while he stood watching her, amused.

They began walking again, back toward the street that would lead to the arcade by mutual, unspoken consent. Usagi's hand rested in his, her fingers curled around his. Mamoru couldn't imagine anything better. Then she had to ruin it.

"Now we have to figure out how to tell the girls."


End file.
